Recently I listened to a wondering Dharma Talk about “listening” by Rev. Doyeon Park at the Won Dharma Center in upstate New York. She started off with an interesting comment. She said, “women talk on average three times more than men”. She said that is because women must say the same thing over and over again until men really listen. She presented that humorous example to explain how we sometimes connect or rather do not connect with others.
Many times we focus more on speaking than on listening. How many times are you engaged in a conversation when instead of listening to the other you are planning in your head what you want to say next. You may interrupt. Your intention is not to understand the other but to reply. She reminds us that we overlook the importance of listening in our daily lives. She mentions the Noble Eight Fold Path in Buddhism. The second path is “Right Speech” Briefly, right speech refers to abstaining from lying, from abusive speech, and from idle chatter. It seems that when right speech is truly practiced there is more time for Right Listening.
In the Yoga Sutras of Pantanjali there is also an eight fold path called the Yamas and Niyamas. These are eight guidelines, ethical disciplines or restraints that can be compared to the Noble Eight Fold Path. The second Yama is Satya or “Truthfulness”. This refers to speaking our truth without harm to others or in other words this can also mean right speech. It follows that in order to be truthful in our conversations we must first “listen” with an opened mind to genuinely understand others. So it seems that implicitly Right Listening is part of the Nobel paths.
When people gather, there is usually a lot more talking going on than real listening. Micah Mortali, Director of the Kripalu Schools agrees. He conducts a work shop called the Yoga of Listening. He demonstrates how listening deeply enhances our connection with others in our personal and professional relationships .
Micah reminds us that mindful listening is similar to Yoga and Meditation. This is when we pay attention to the present moment with curiosity and awareness. Micah says that in yogic tradition there is a concept known as buddhi, which is witnessing or observing the self and at Kripalu buddhi is referred to as witness consciousness or simple the Witness . The Witness is cultivated through yoga and meditation. The witness lets us listen to ourselves and others with less judgment and more compassion. Yoga students are frequently reminded to practice with compassionate self awareness minus judgment. Eventually we begin this practice off the mat in our daily lives.
In Buddhism the “Witness” is not a concept. Instead we cultivate our Buddha Nature. In meditation we learn to become attentive and to also be aware of the present moment. Rev.Parks reminds us that listening mindfully involves focus and concentration. This practice is cultivated on the meditation cushion. The goal however is to rise from the cushion and bring this focus along with peace and calmness to all the aspects of our everyday life. We can then practice Right Listening.
The practice of meditation and yoga teaches us to listen with our hearts as well as our minds. Feelings and sensations can supersede thoughts in a mindful practice. Micah reminds us to” listen from a place beyond the rational mind”. When we listen with our senses and our hearts, we listen with clarity and openness. We provide the space for others to be heard. This will nurture ourselves as well as others.
Remember this, “The key to your heart lies hidden in the heart of another “~Swami Kripalu